Waiting = Grief.

Thankful to receive a bit of news today that F continues to do well and had a few really good weeks.

Thankful for all the prayers for him and our adoption.

I've lately come to the realization that our long wait for our referral and now to exit IBESR, has me cycling through the Kugler-Ross stages of grief.


Denial-it will not take us that long. Maybe TODAY. Maybe the next stages will go fast. Maybe soon..

Anger-being mad at the IBESR folks, for red tape, at governments, for the folks who messed up in the past causing more rules and regulations to be put in place to safeguard children and families, and even mad at God for not stepping in with a miracle or two, for not meeting our expectations in a timely fashion. At myself for not trusting enough, for getting depressed and stressed, for not having the faith to move mountains, for not learning what every lesson it is that I should have down by now but still don't...because maybe if I GOT IT then the Lord would allow us to move forward.

Bargaining-what if we do this, we're willing to do x,y, and z. What if I fast more? What if I go to church every day? What if we get more people to pray? What if....

Depression-Sadness I rapid cycle with this stage and often it occurs along with the other stages. I mourn the time we've lost, the days and smiles that we will never share with F. Each holiday that passes, each week, each day that turns into history means memories that we will not share with F or he with us.

Acceptance-this one comes rarer but it does come. Never lasts long but the peace that accompanies accepting the Lord's plan soothes the soul. Makes me fight all the harder to focus on the Lord and pray for His will. Striving for it sends me into the Word and on to my knees because...I know I can only get to and stay in this stage with the Lord's help. I need His help to STOP striving and let Him act on our behalf. I need to trust. I need to rest in His love, rest that His plan is good. His power enough.

Some days I may spend a bit of time in each stage and other days I may remain in one. Some days like holidays I can predict will be harder to stay positive but other days I jump from stage to stage in sporadic randomness. Both ways drain and tire.

Like playing a non-fun game that's full of delays, skip a turn, go-back-to start, but no fast forward cards. This week the doors of IBESR will remain closed due to Carnival [maybe also politics?]

Praying the staff remain safe, enjoy their break and all head back to work on Monday the 15th ready to make major progress in the waiting cases.

Praying that Haiti's new interim government, who will work to get elections set up during the next few months will allow IBESR to continue as normal, as well as the other stages of adoptions in Haiti.

Praying that our faith continues to grow as we wait. Praying to wait well. Praying to learn to trust more and spend more time in the 'acceptance' zone. Praying we're ready to act when the Lord says act!

Praying that F continues to do well and grow and thrive. Thankful for those caring and loving him during the wait.

Thank you Lord.