The Start. One Year Ago.

A year ago I saw you for the first and perhaps last time in my life.

In the few minutes that you sat on our front steps you changed our lives forever.

You did not make a sound or say a word.

My heart dared not allow my body to step past the barrier of the screen door to look closely in your eyes, touch your soft skin or even feel your weight in my arms although I longed to.

You and her, the lady who held you remain in my prayers and thoughts. Where are you? How are you? What happened in the past year? I pray you are loved and thriving.

You opened our lives. Expanded our hopes and dreams.

Lord of the Ring fans will reconize this quote as refurring to when Merry and Pippin's interraction with the Ents comes to mind and applies to our family meeting you, "like the falling of small stones that starts an avalanche in the mountains. "

The small time spent seeing you and listening about your need started an avalanche: an avalanche of prayers, feelings, research, blogs, paperwork, hopes and dreams.

We will never be the same because of you. You changed our lives for the better.

Thankful for how the Lord used you.

Choices..

The hardest parts of the application do not include writing down the facts but the choices.

Even some of the choices not too hard just a bit of discussion about references as who knows us the best, or who's seen both sides of our lives [Haiti & USA]. Then you send off an E-mail to ask them and fill in the contact information. Easy.

Hard: what type of child would you consider accepting into your family?

Now we did not have choices like these when the Lord sent us Eli and Anna as He did the choosing.

I remember when I started in High School praying regularly for my future husband and started a list. Yes, a real pen on paper list which consisted of two parts: the non-negotiables and the 'I think it would be nice'.

Non-negotiables included a man of strong love of God with a personal relationship with the Lord and a heart for missions. I knew that the Lord knew my tastes and desires and especially my needs even better than I did. My prayers recognized that I wanted His best choices for me and would trust Him.

Knowing that we would be needing to put on paper some ideas of the children we would be willing to be matched with those prayers for wisdom started at the same time the Lord opened the door to adoption.

We discussed the various options as a family and prayed, and prayed, and prayed..right up to the day that we finished filling in the first application.

We continue to pray  as we finish up with the paperwork part and move on toward the match that we need to remain open to the Lord's direction and learn as we go.

We 'think' we would like siblings, both a boy and a girl under the ages of 4. We remain open to children with special needs while realizing the limitation of our location. We do not believe it would be fair to accept a child who needs long term therapy or extensive medical care unavailable here.

Please join us in praying for 'our little ones' and for the whole process of matching our family with them. With the new procedures and Haitian social services matching families we have no idea how long following the arrival of our translated dossier to Haiti it will take before we match with our children.

[Tropical Dogwood, Mussaenda or Bankok Rose. The pink sepals are fuzzy]

Colored Glasses

I find it very interesting how a lady sitting on our top step with a baby in her arms changed my life.

A pivotal moment that changed my whole out look on life-much like putting on a pair of colored glasses would.

The world basically looks and acts the same but every moment contains a new layer of meaning.

Words of a familiar song now loaded with new meaning due to adoption.

Sermons, verses or well known books take on a whole new dimension.

One never knows when the brain will be suddenly triggered to think and wonder about 'our kids'.

As even getting to the point of knowing who our 'little ones' could be months to years in the future I do not even know if our kids' birthdays exists in the history of the world or remains in the future.

Assuming at least one breaths the same air as we at this time, many questions flood my mind: Where? In a loving home or already living at a crèche? With relatives or other people who really do not want a additional mouth (s) to feed? Basic needs supplied? Clean water, food, dry home, a bed, medical care? How about mental stimulation so important in the first 3 years of life? What circumstances will direct them to the crèche? What is the family like? Do they love the Lord? Will we meet? Did their mom celebrate her pregnancies or mourn? How long before we know them? How can we prepare now to be the family they need?

How can I pray? I pray for the family. I pray for strength and courage. I pray for a strong faith. I pray that the Lord provides for their needs.

Any time of day or night a question . . . two or ten can drift into my consciousness. Sometimes something will trigger new questions or thoughts like the books on adoption we read or on raising hurt kids.

Sometimes the thoughts just come "I wonder...."

My world holds a new color, a new perspective, a new consciousness, a new path with new challenges, new hopes, new dreams and new prayers.