Four years...the door opened.

I just went back and read my first two posts...

African desert roses

That Friday morning we did not have a clue about the journey that the Lord was about to start us on by opening our hearts up for adoption.

No idea of the ups and downs, confusion, hurt, frustration that would occur before and after the joy of meeting F and spending time with him.

No notion that four years later we would remain in IBESR and not have one or more children at home bonding as part of our family.

No concept of the prayer and emotional support this walk would require from our friends or about the new friends we would gain along with way.

Chou Chou beach-old picture

I think the biggest surprise for me remains..how the process changed me and my faith.

Stretched, refined, sifted, shaken, blown to dust-my expectations now look nothing like they did at the beginning.

As I shared in the last blog, the Lord just keeps whispering to me " Trust me".

While we continue to pray for miracles and movement, we worship and wait.

We are F's family. We don't need a paper or signature to tell us what we know in our hearts and minds. We will be in his life, for as long and as much as as the Lord will allow us.

Doesn't mean we like waiting but we will wait. F's more than worth it.

The lesson--trust

Found with no dirt, no leaves but still beautiful. 

Yesterday we heard from our social worker...

-they are insisting on the new paperwork about F's parents
-the creche is asking other creches for help and a sample letter
-it could be October before they get this paper if it has to go before a judge
-a new staff member with law background has been asked to work on our case

I'm struggling.

-it is very likely our visa paperwork will expire.
     -options for new visa not clear as we live in Haiti, not the USA.
-'any day now' now looking at months
-what could happen if they can't get this paperwork or it isn't want IBERS needs/wants?

I had the following in draft written just before we learned of the new paperwork issue -guess I need to listen to myself.

Written a week or so ago...

Cory called it the 'never give up' flower.

I do better with waiting and delays when I understand why. So I've asked lots of questions during our adoption journey especially in the last few years of waiting in IBESR for our referral and now to exit.

The limbo of unknowns remains uncomfortable to me. So I keep trying to figure out the why, the reason, the lessons.

While my head knows that the Lord's reasons may not be revealed to us now or later I keep looking. Lessons to learn...maybe if I learn that one, it will be the key to progress and moving forward. 

So in the last couple of years some things I've pondered or tried: increased church, increased prayer, fasting, different prayers, lots of books on prayer and waiting, increased gratitude, thanking before something happens, working on problem areas, being content, reading more about adoption-prayers-worship-attachement-contentment..... 

Results: I've changed. I think I've improved in some areas with the Lord's help [maybe hard to see yesterday and today]. But I think most of the lessons boil down to 'Trust me'. 

Why the wait?                                                                        Trust me.

Why can't F come home?                                                       Trust me.

Wouldn't it have be better to be a family of 5 for a bit.           Trust me.

What if our visa paperwork expires?                                      Trust me.

What if its hard to get a visa as we live overseas?                  Trust me. 

What about school?                                                                 Trust me.

What if our papers are lost or misplaced?                               Trust me.

What if corruption or revenge is causing the delay.                Trust me.

What if the government destabilizes?                                     Trust me.

What if we can't travel for another year or so with F?            Trust me.

What if he thinks we don't love him and gets discouraged?    Trust me.

Should we be doing more?                                                       Trust me.

What should we do?                      Just trust me.

Added today...
       What if the new requested document takes months?                        Trust me.

       What if the information is not what they want or need?                   Trust me.
        What if.........TRUST ME!